Yep, my weekend was a little empty, a lot lighter by two bodies actually. Sound weird? Let me explain…
Both my young adults (25 & 21) moved out this past week but they did not move in together. Goodness me, I don’t think that would EVER work. They are COMPLETE opposites.
I knew this day would come, as it should, You see as a parent that believes you are either raising EAGLES or CHICKENS, and I my friend raised EAGLES, I was prepared for when they would fly. You could even say I may have taken them to the edge and encouraged that step of faith
Here is the back story: My 25 year old had moved back in 1 year ago to get his bearings after living with friends and graduating college only to realize it is not fun to scrape by and dig in the couch for coins (seriously!). To move back in with us we would require him to pay rent, car insurance and phone. To say he was not very happy about paying rent was an understatement. His exact words to me were, “Mom, you don’t need the money. What are you going to do with it?” I asked him if he said the same thing to his last landlord. Did I want to take his money? NO. But, I knew that if I let him live here free I would be saying he was a chicken and could not take care of himself and he may be here indefinitely or that he could. I did not raise him that way and I was not going to start now.
My 21 year old on the other hand had a big decision to make this July. He went to 2 years of college and decided it was not for him. Therefore, his dad and I gave him 1 year to decided what he wanted to do before he would need to start paying us rent and paying for his personal expenses or go back to college. Now, during this entire time (even while in college) he has worked. So he increased his hours, started his own business, and picked up other odd jobs to make money. With his year anniversary coming up he decided that he wanted to move out instead of living here and paying us rent. Yes, we encouraged him to do so.
My words of wisdom for parents…
1. You HAVE CHILDREN but you are RAISING ADULTS. There is a huge difference when you are teaching them life skills and setting expectations.
2. You are either raising CHICKENS or EAGLES. Chickens are contained, constantly cared for and totally dependent on you for the rest of their life. Eagles are taught how to, encouraged through learning and failing and expected to fly and create their own nest!
3. Treat your adults as ADULTS. They are earning it (just not all at once). When they know you see them this way they will fill those shoes.
Parents, you do not realize how important your view of your children/ADULTS are to them. Use your influence wisely.
In closing, I want to say I do miss them. I don’t miss the dishes in the sink or their dirty rooms BUT I do miss the sound of their voices in the house. Yet, my husband and I did our job very well. Our eagles have flown, their wings have spread and we have the joy of being here for them as wise counsel. Just so you know, my phone still rings every day!